Mother Love

Motherlove-it conjures up sweet dreamy visions of pink and blue, cuddly and cozy. Mother love was anything but that for me-it transformed me into a warror diva determined to do anything to support and protect this next generation-our legacy. It was primal, raw,like that of a grizzly mom protecting her cubs. I was driven to do anything to nurture my cubs as well.

In my pregnancies I took ten time s better care of myself than I ever had before. As infants I read to them, baby proofed the house. As they grew and participated in almost every sport known to man I bought protective gear-chest protectors, face guards. We bought booster seats before they were required, guarded the internet, got them fingerprinted. I would leave no stone unturned to keep them safe and thriving.

And then it was time to leave the safe nest I had crafted. I thought I knew the depths of my love then as my heart ached at the thought of them leaving. But the enormity of it was revealed as son number on stood and took this oath on July 1, 2001 at the United States Naval Academy.

HAVING BEEN APPOINTED A MIDSHIPMAN IN THE UNITED STATES NAVY, DO YOU SOLEMNLY SWEAR (OR AFFIRM) THAT YOU WILL SUPPORT AND DEFEND THE CONSTITUTION OF THE UNITED STATES AGAINST ALL ENEMIES, FOREIGN AND DOMESTIC; THAT YOU WILL BEAR TRUE FAITH AND ALLEGIANCE TO THE SAME; THAT YOU TAKE THIS OBLIGATION FREELY, WITHOUT ANY MENTAL RESERVATION OR PURPOSE OF EVASION; AND THAT YOU WILL WELL AND FAITHFULLY DISCHARGE THE DUTIES OF THE OFFICE ON WHICH YOU ARE ABOUT TO ENTER, SO HELP YOU GOD.

My son promised  go into harms’ way in service and duty to his country. The reality of his promise became larger than life two months later on September 11, 2001 when our nation was attacked.Greater love hath no man than to lay down his life for his country. Greater love has no mother than to watch her beloved child possibly have to do just that. In the years that followed his three siblings have each made the commitment to serve. As a military mom with a child in the Army, Air Force, Navy, and Marines, I never understood the depths of love until I have experienced my childrens’service in a tangible way.

How can this be? These children I so carefully nurtured now at the point of the sphere all around the globe. Love to me is having my heart skip a beat when I hear the evening news, or have not had email contact in days. It is a primal scream when a friend is injured or killed. It is the constant prayer and the realization that, there but for the grace of God go I, as another casualty is announced. And it is having my heart overflow when one comes home and is safe for an all too brief moment in time.

Tonight I will sleep a little easier because, for the first time in a year, all my children are home in the United States. Not under my wing, but still close to my heart... which is mighty full of mother love.

Military Moms and Dads

This month is Military Family Appreciation Month. It is good to recognize the sacrifice of the families who support their service members at home and on deployment. My daughters-in-laws and son in law have held down the fort during multiple deployments. And my grandchildren have also felt the sting  of daddy being gone for months on the time. I remember that from my childhood as well. My dad, a career Army office , was gone a lot including multiple tours in Viet Nam. I remember watching scary news footage and rebelling when I had to leave my friends one more time

I want to focus today on some other members of the family-the parents, especially of the single military servicemen or women. It is a little daunting to get a big envelope in the mail with your kid's will and life insurance policy. We usually miss out on those family awareness and pre-deployment family briefings. If we are lucky our kids add our name to the Family Readiness Officer newsletters. but we are spread out all over the county with no other service family members around us to share the weight of worry. Many of us have no knowledge of the military and not many people around us who really understand what it is like. You get a lot of questions like,"How can you stand it-I could  never handle my kids doing that", or " You must be afraid to watch the news." Usually I am just brave and breeze through it. But sometimes I want to just start sobbing and turn into a quivering mound as I squeak out," He is flying over Libya right now. " But since we are the less than one percent they would not get it and back up hurriedly to move away.

To be fair I wish I had a dollar for everyone who has thanked me for their service. But there are times when you do wish your kids lived down the street especially when you don't hear from them for weeks on end or they are in harm's way.

But we continue to do our part. We babysit their pets, store their stuff. We send care packages and pray that no one in uniform shows up on our doorsteps. And if, heaven forbid they are injured  we do whatever we can to help them become whole again. We have them move in with us, drive them to medical care-maybe hours away, and do what it takes because they are our and our country's treasures.

Military moms and dads-one of the toughest jobs in the world, right behind spouses and military kids. I am very proud to be one. We need to stick together. Life on the homefront can get mighty tough somedays.

Deployment

Last year I had the unique opportunity to be a mom in a war zone. I spent the school year teaching in Kabul Afghanistan.My husband had been flying for an Afghan airline for two years, our daughter had been deployed there and I felt a call to serve in my own way. So I packed up by scarves and tunics and headed to Kabul.

My first days were punctuated by a massacre of aid workers, local disputes requiring school to be closed and then the threats to burn the Koran which raised the tension level a hundred fold. We lived by a code of colors which detailed out security levels and we hit red multiple times. But in the down times life was a series of days blending into each other-missing home and family and freedom to move about without restrictions.

So what exactly does this have to do with deployment? My active duty kids have completed three deployments so far-and one is currently deployed. They call my time in Kabul my deployment-I got a first hand view of what life is like.

It is boring. There are days of endless work, with little time off. And when there is time off there is no place to go so you tend to keep working. The folks I knew at the local base had Friday morning off -every other day they worked 12 to 14 hours a day.

Then the boredom vanishes with reminders that it is a war zone. Rocket attacks, possible shooters, suicide bombers-all combine to let you know you are not in Kansas anymore.You can rewrite the scenario about a lot of missions-whether on a Navy ship, or on an aircraft. It can be hours of boredom interrupted by moments of sheer terror -an old aviation saying that holds true in this scenario.

Of course those who are boots on the ground going house to house and interacting with villagers have much less boredom. But they share the second aspect of deployment-loneliness. It is a deep loneliness of absence of family and dearest friends-the people who know you and share your life and history. You may bond with your battle buddies in a profound way, but nothing replaces love from home, and family.

I saw packages arrive and be delivered by the chaplains, passed out hugs at chapel in my own mini USO attempts to disperse mom energy. I cried with losses and celebrated with people as they shipped home. It was a privilege to be there and get a better understanding of what my kids are facing as they perform their duties.

Two things I know about being deployed-you can never get enough mail and there is no place like home. Two things I know about being at home with kids deployed-the news is not your friend and you can never hear from them enough.

Deployments-a way of life for those who serve and those who love them...sigh.

I have become a knitting fool

For you skeptics who are wondering why I should even mention my knitting addiction-let me say that I have found a wonderful way to at least temporarily cast away worries and concerns-something any military parent needs to know how to do . During my last two Plebe summers I ran-well sort of  ran-but enough to be able to complete a marathon.But right now it is very cold outside-plus I am committed to spending at least 4 hours a week on bleacher seats(I call the result bleacher bottom but that is another story).

So what do you do when you are confined to a gym in the situation where your son plays on the JV and might get in for the Varsity-have your guts twist up inside in disappointment when he doesn't make it in? Snarl at the referee when you really want to throttle the coach? I pick up my short pointy sticks and start knitting furiously.

Worrying about the PRT(physical readiness test) or academics or drill instructors?-that is good for at least one scarf. How about if they will get leave for that family event?-a pink cotton chenille washcloth can handle that. Flight school-performance in the trainer-will he get jets or helos-and the unspeakable events that as the wife of a instructor pilot  I have seen occur; his buddies on the Syrian border, her deployment to Afghanistan-well now I am starting an afghan.

Actually I just came across a site where you can knit for the troops-so I am going to check that out as well. I feel a new affinity for all those women in WWI and WWII who knit away and rolled bandages-the mindless acts of meditation of a stitch combined with prayers for those I love and in harms way help me stay somewhat peaceful. This world is a scary place and our children have chosen to be in the middle of it all-at least they will have something that keeps them warm to take with them.

It's the little things that count..

All four in one place at the same time-it's a miracle!

As a military mom it is not only the big things that get to you-it can be the every day things that most take for granted. For example getting all four of mine in one place at the same time is quite a challenge. As I sit on our hilltop farm and look out on a holiday I can see clusters of families gathering together-not my kids. I may be lucky to get a double or a triple but very seldom do I get a home run of everyone together.

It's funny-when they were home all the time I think they got the basics of hand to hand combat completed in my living room. I would head to town and war would break out. The battles raged, casualties abounded including lampshades and then the phone would ring. " Kids, I am on the way home-anything else we need?" Immediately they sprang into action just like Thing1 and Thing 2-in this case also Thing 3 and Thing 4-and all worked together to put things back in order.  A few days later I might ask, "What happened to this lamp shade? " to be met by silence. Of course all of this has only recently been disclosed now that the statute of limitations has run out.  They work hard to see each other when they can, but that little thing of normal life together is a thing of the past.

When they were home I knew their friends,their comings and goings, and supported them in their activities. I sat on so many bleachers  that I developed bleacher bottom-an increase in girth directly attributed to hours sitting in the car or the bleachers. Now the questions remain unanswered-what did you do at work today, where are you, when will you be home? OPSEC reigns supreme and I find myself reading the news to figure out if my kid might be there. The not knowing-and being less a part of their lives because of it-those are little things I took for granted in years gone by.

I have to say the one thing that really has upped the ante when I think of the little things is my grandchildren. During my sons' first deployments they were newlyweds. Their wives stepped it up and bravely held down the home front. They dealt with all the things that can go wrong. As it says in Mrs
Murphy's Law :
           If anything can go wrong it will happen when he is out of town-or on deployment.

But this time around-well it is different. There is a little girl left behind. Six months when Daddy left and she will be a year old when he comes home. The first tooth, the first steps-no amount of technology can replace missing those milestones.When we talk about personal sacrifice- it can be the little things that mean so much.

Off we go.......

Never forget

The news is full of 9/11 stories. I find them almost painful to read-it seems like only yesterday. But my life changed dramatically that day-especially my life as a mom , although I did not realize it at the time. It seems fitting that I would add to the chorus of remembrances, to keep the memory painfully fresh.

It was a beautiful fall day, except my five year old had a high fever. My husband, an airline pilot, met me at the doctor's office. The other kids were all in school, except our oldest. He had just finished Plebe Summer at the Naval Academy. The previous weekend I had gone to visit him and go to my first Navy football game. It was  Firstie Parents Weekend, and the Class of 2002 parents were all there beaming with pride. It had been a lovely time. But now I was home and so grateful my husband would be there to help with a really sick little guy.

Our doctor, a former Air Force physician , burst through the door and was so happy to see my husband.  As he told us what was going on, we realized why. How could a pilot make a mistake like that? It  must have been a serious mechanical error. As we watched the TV the horror became revealed, and now antibiotics in hand we rushed home. Our brother in law flies for American -where is he? The kids at school-important they know Dad is OK...it was a flurry of frantic calls. and then the next blow-the Pentagon and all of a sudden my thoughts turned to our son at the Naval Academy. What was the scope of this -could he be in danger?

At the same time USNA was put on lock down. Upper class Midshipmen lent Plebes their phones  to call home to let parents know they were OK. Other calls went out from the Academy trying to find out if their parents and family members were alright. In a culture of service, many family members were firemen and policemen, and many had family members stationed at the Pentagon. At the end of that day 11 USNA grads were lost in the attacks, and more would be lost in the War on Terror in the years to come.

The Class of 2002 graduated and became warriors in that battle. Applications to the Naval Academy skyrocketed from 11,000 to 19,000 as a new generation felt the call to serve. And in the coming years each of my children would answer that call.

The economic blow was also a sucker punch. My husband's airline went bankrupt along with several others and thousands of pilots lost their retirement benefits. My husband retired and ultimately spent three years flying in Afghanistan -I joined him to teach in Kabul.

Those at ground zero lost everything. But the ripple effects are almost unfathomable-so many lives touched by such evil acts. Each of us has been affected in some way. I thank God each day for those who stepped up to serve in the midst of this war, and those on the home front who continue to support their troops. Let us teach the next generation and those to come to never forget, no matter how painful those memories may be. Let us honor those who have given the last full measure of devotion, in the air, on the land  and sea, or in the towers. Never forget.....

CRASH

"Mom, I was surprised you didn't call me about the crash? " CRASH?! I had heard about a possible F/18 crash but I had been very busy that week. When I googled I could find no mention of it. Besides my Marine was sick in Florida not in California....

My mom radar was definitely on the blink. As an aviator's mom(make that triple aviator's mom ) I scan the news daily for any mention of a mishap that might remotely involve my boys or any of their compadres. And when a news crawl or google alert pops up I am on the phone, if possible, checking  to make sure my kid is safely on the ground.

Such is the life of a military pilot's mom. It doesn't matter if they are deployed or not. Every day they do battle with physics. My Marine in his F/18 defies gravity and the speed of sound, flying way too close to another airplane to make a mom comfrotable. My P/3 NFO is up for hours in OLD airplanes-thankfully soon to be replaced. And my Army ROTC cadet in helicopters-those things fly way too close to the ground, don't you think?

But this accident snuck right past me. Thankfully the pilot-a buddy from flight school-and the  Whizzo escaped to tell the tale, despite sustaining serious injuries.

I should mention I am also the wife of an aviator who has flown for 40 years in and out of the military. I have seen the black smoke of an accident more than once. But when it is your kid at the stick, it brings the word worry to a whole new level.

When two of them deployed last year to the far east, people would ask me if I was relieved they weren't in Afghanistan. Not really-the skies they flew near were not necessarily friendly. But that is what they do -and they are proud of it. So I pray, and scan the news, and pray some more. The Navy Hymn has a verse for aviators " Lord guard and guide the men who fly...yes please do.

The safest way for Mom to fly..in the simulator